[TheGrumpyBrit]

I use Jira at work, and also at home for my side projects. At home it's little more than a self-hosted Trello instance. At work, it's more complex. Both do their jobs well enough.

Your problem is that you don't currently have any tools to track what your devs are doing. Your proof that you are "orders of magnitude superior" is nothing if you don't have the metrics to back it up.

If you accept that the larger company is going to want metrics on what your devs are doing (and that's an inevitability) then unless you have an alternative in mind and a compelling reason to use it instead of Jira, your best bet is to get on board, and do so with enthusiasm. If you're earnestly trying to use it, people will listen to the problems you run into and workflow changes you ask for. If you're complaining because you just don't want big brother watching you, you'll be ignored.