[beat]

In my local non-software community, a key figure in the local Renaissance Festival was brought down by rape charges, which led to a plethora of #metoo among female friends who dealt with him.

I brought this up to my daughter, who is 24. She said "Yeah, I was warned not to be alone with him when I was 10".

And I, as a devoted father who has a very close relationship with his daughter (she's one of my closest friends, honestly) had no idea about this. This should give all men pause. What else do you not know about, that happens to your spouses, your sisters, your daughters, your mothers, your friends?

[erikpukinskis]

Also worth asking: what have you said to or around those women that made them believe they can’t trust you with those stories?

[beat]

That's a good question, something all men need to ask themselves (after they get over the stupid idea that it isn't happening or women are making it up)...

Here's the thing. It's so common for women that they don't detail every little incident in their lives to every man in their lives, because it's too much to track. Do you remember every driver who cut you off in traffic? That's kind of the level of the low-grade sexual harassment women deal with. It's just about every day.

So no, I'm not told everything. And hopefully, most of the time, it's not that the women in my life are afraid to speak up to me about it. It's not that my then ten year old daughter was afraid or ashamed to talk to me about being warned about a lecherous, creepy man in a position of power. It's that even then, she knew it was part of life as a woman.

By age 10, I had already asked a few female friends to be her "bad aunties". Their job was to be adult women she could talk to who weren't in her chain of command - not parents, or teachers, or officials of any sort. They were there to listen and advise when she needed it. And they were specifically asked to keep her confidence no matter what - even from me, and her mother. And she knew this. She knew she had adult women her life she could turn to when she didn't have anyone else she felt safe with, knowing that her parents trusted them with her.

I recommend this to every father.