[colanderman]

> the other 90% hear that I'm unemployed and treat me like a pariah

Are you sure it's that, or could it be because they find they have trouble relating to someone who is in such a privileged financial position to do nothing for two years, when they themselves may be financially insecure?

People relate through shared struggle and experience. When you say, "I don't work and I don't need to", you've dashed any sense of camaraderie a stranger, or even many friends, might have felt.

[txcwpalpha]

It's funny you ask that, because I was just in the middle of writing an addendum to my comment about how people will react to observations I have about my sabbatical due to my "privilege", and "how dare you complain about being financially secure", etc. It's interesting to see just how mean/jealous some people get when they hear that I'm able to financially survive without a current source of income. Like the author did in his first paragraph, it seems that every time I talk about being unemployed I have to caveat it with some "I know I'm privileged etc etc but hear me out..." because otherwise people will summarily dismiss anything I say. You haven't explicitly done so in your comment, but others in this same post have (see bottom of the comments in particular), and I've even had people in real life maliciously accuse me of secretly being a 1%-er (I'm not even close).

To answer your question more directly: I've considered it, and that's probably the case for some of those interactions (see above), but the majority of the ones I'm specifically thinking of are interactions with people that I know for a fact are much better off financially than I and make just as much (if not more) than I do/did.

[colanderman]

Even financial peers may nonetheless view your position as privileged, because they may not be able to give up whatever it is you did to be able to leave their job. Perhaps they are burdened with debt, or have a family to support, or may simply lead an expensive lifestyle that is not socially tenable for them to curtail. It could even just be that their partner – or potential partners if they are unattached – would be uncomfortable with them taking a two-year unpaid sabbatical, so even if they wanted to, they couldn't do so in good conscience.

To put it another way – who wouldn't take a two year sabbatical if they could? The fact that it's rare, even among well-paid tech workers, is a good indicator that it's not within the realm of relatability for most.

I also don't think it's necessarily a judgement of privilege. Consider the reverse scenario: a party of people enjoying their sabbaticals, and one person with a desk job. No-one's going to hold a conversation for long with that person, simply because their day-to-day experiences are not relatable. The sabbatical crowd will want to talk about long-term travel, how to stave off boredom, and the interesting startup ideas they're working on. No-one wants to hear this one guy's stories about scrum drama, getting a promotion, and taking their kids to the recent company outing. His stories may be positive or negative, boring or interesting, but no-one else can commiserate with their own current experience. For anything topical you're left with sports and the weather.

[txcwpalpha]

Your point is well taken, but when I mentioned people that "I know for a fact are better off financially", I was taking all of those things (debt, family, lifestyle) into account. Again, I'm sure for some interactions, those things apply, but I've had similar interactions with people that have no debt and have no family to support (and in fact, actually receive monetary support from their family/parents).

>To put it another way – who wouldn't take a two year sabbatical if they could?

It seems a lot of people, actually. Again, I can't speak for everyone, but even many of my close friends, who I know a lot about their financial situations and have actually had this conversation with, have even said that they could take time off just as I did and have no financial issues at all, but still would not do it because they feel too pressured by societal expectations to always have a job.

>I also don't think it's necessarily a judgement of privilege. Consider the reverse scenario: a party of people enjoying their sabbaticals, and one person with a desk job. No-one's going to hold a conversation for long with that person, simply because their day-to-day experiences are not relatable. The sabbatical crowd will want to talk about long-term travel, how to stave off boredom, and the interesting startup ideas they're working on. No-one wants to hear this one guy's stories about scrum drama, getting a promotion, and taking their kids to the recent company outing. His stories may be positive or negative, boring or interesting, but no-one else can commiserate with their own current experience. For anything topical you're left with sports and the weather.

There is far more to talk about than just sports/weather and work-related stuff. Even when I was employed, most of my friend group was not in the same industry and we were still able to have lengthy conversations even though most of the group didn't even know what "scrum" is, or never had to worry about a promotion, or never considered startups.

My experience has been that the topics of conversation or ability to commiserate isn't the issue. I've been in situations where I have had lengthy, wonderful conversations with a person where we clearly connect and can relate to each other, but as soon as I drop the "I am currently unemployed" bomb, their entire attitude toward me will change for the worse. (FWIW, I've also been in situations where their attitude has changed for the better, but I find those to be rarer)

[ianai]

I experienced similar when I didn’t have an ability to support myself. I had nothing immediately after college and couldn’t find paying work for nearly 5 years. I had the misfortune to graduate from college at the start of the Great Recession in ground zero of it. Society really does not treat people well. I was constantly made to be aware just how worthless everyone thought I was.

I genuinely wish no one ever had to experience anything similar to what I experienced.

[rdiddly]

Just to cover the whole gamut of human lameness here, let's also mention the opportunists. Someone looking to meet somebody at a desirable company, to advance their own prospects, would, upon hearing you don't work at any such place, conclude you're of no use to them.

txcwpalpha, some portion of those who "treat you like a pariah" are probably these people. The good news is that such people are of no use to YOU, and you just dodged a bullet.

I don't want to necessarily promote a cynical view of the entire world, because these people are still thankfully a small portion of the total. My bigger point is that a surprising number of people whom I experienced as rude, standoffish, nasty, etc. turned out later to also have been dishonest, hiding something, and/or actively engaged in wrongdoing (be it right there, or in some other part of their lives). Not sure whether the stress of being deceptive leads them to be shitty toward others, or if a shitty worldview leads to both... probably the latter... but in short, shittiness is rarely confined to just the one area of a person's life that concerns social interactions. And rarely does it have anything whatsoever to do with you. It has to do with them - in fact I would say it's a marker, a fog beacon calling out "BEEEEP - this person is shitty in this observable way and probably other currently-unobservable ways - BEEEEP." Just think about it like this: if talking to someone feels like you're talking to a gangster, or like you just went to prison, that's probably because that person belongs there. I highly recommend spending time around some scumbags just to get the flavor.