[levimaes]

Read Infinite Jest, whose author even confessed to it's consumptive (consuming?), ulterior-ness! What I'm trying to say, without actually answering you, is that you're joined by many other ambitious yet perennially TV-tortured people -- that you're not alone in your endeavors towards re-adjustment, and that it's mostly just as onerous and grating for Us to effect in our life these changes and developmental resolutions, as it is for You.