[carterza]

I'm not presently going through exactly what you went through - but I can relate on many levels.

I've been on and off anti-depressants since I was sixteen, and I'm 33 now. My self-confidence has been basically destroyed, and I've kind of been just a shell of a human being ever since middle school. I've never figured myself out, and I've never felt like I've had time to, or the space and energy.

I've been in and out of therapy, I've been to rehab, and I've seen lots of professionals - psychiatrists and therapists.

My current psychiatrist is helping me a lot - but it also seems like it's two steps forward, and three backwards. During the spring, I gained a lot of confidence, and felt like I was back on track, and it only took one thing going haywire in my plans, for everything to once again fall off the rails.

Like you - I finally broke down to my parents (who have been amazingly supportive over the years) - and this isn't the first time I've broken down in front of them - but hopefully it's the last.

I've decided that the career path I've sought for myself, which is the line of work they both worked in, isn't for me.

My main goal right now, which I'm going to need their help with (because at this point accomplishing basic tasks like opening my email / checking my physical mail - are terrifying to me), is to sell the house I purchased several years ago. This thing has been a boat anchor, and has helped keep me stuck by requiring a certain level of monthly income.

After that, I hope to quit my job and set out across the country to do some soul searching. Hopefully via the house sale and savings I've accrued, I can keep myself afloat for a while, while I pursue new opportunities.

My goal is to enter a new industry, that is arguably more rigorous than the one I'm leaving, but I feel like my current position has contributed quite a bit to my deterioration in mental health, and that it's not what I love - or even want - to do.

Ultimately, I keep myself going by remembering the alternative is not an option. I try to think that things will get better, but it's difficult at times. The one thing I can always rely on fortunately (and this isn't true for many), is family and my close friends. Networking is very important, and so is remembering that everyone, including you and me, deserves to be happy.

[wjossey]

Best of luck to you as you make these changes.

Your journey is yours alone to make, so don’t take this advice but rather an anecdote.

When I was able to better understand what I valued in life (which is also constantly changing) I was able to find a lot more peace in my day to day life. I do what I value. I avoid what I do not. Much of what I value comes with challenges, pain, and difficulty, but because I value it the friction proves beneficial in the long wrong. I eschew things I don’t value (social media), but constantly reevaluate and challenge myself.

Good luck. I hope you find what you’re seeking.

[carterza]

Thank you!

I really do value that feedback. I have also stopped using almost all forms of social media. I can't drop twitter - but that is because I value a lot of the content I read there (mostly related to game development).

I've also learned that I need to focus on what is important to my health, and less, on what is important to others.

These are hard lessons for some individuals to learn. It's amusing - because very much of my behavior is self-centered.

I think the key lesson I've learned throughout my continual growing process, is that thoughtless compassion and service to others, grants you the ability to also be compassionate towards yourself.

Living in your problems, hating life, focusing on negatives all the time, wraps your head around your own negativity and dissatisfaction with life.

It's a fine balance that needs to be maintained, and it's easy to slip up in that regard, but I think it's also critical in healing and recovery.

And even then - living this and thinking it, are two totally different things.