[horar]

It takes an extraordinary amount of drive to keep trying in the situation described, but where does that drive come from?

Do you have a vision of something that "needs" to be done and you just have to find out how to do it? ... Or are you driven by a need to do something, anything, but you still don't know what?

At some point these combined forces overwhelm you, you must risk everything and there will be no going back. Nor does success, however you measure it, bring relief because the goal posts keep moving.