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That sounds like a hard situation. If you're here looking for an outside perspective, I have one. If not, please don't read further. It sounds like she has a mental illness, like you suspect. The sad thing about many of those is you just can't do anything about some of them. If a person's disease is so advanced that for example (say Alzheimer's) they don't recognize you / hate you, that's unfortunately the reality of their world and outside of committing them you can't do much but simply be there if you need to. You've got your own life to manage. trying to manage someone else's, when they're sick to boot, is a monumental effort. Ask anybody with a mentally disabled kid. It's gargantuan. There's no shame at all in deciding you aren't up to the task (in your situation at least). You've probably heard it, but you shouldn't feel guilty. You've done nothing cruel, you sound like you're being as good a friend / ex lover as you can given the circumstances. When my friend called me asking me my opinions on the least painful ways to die, I thought it was just another cry for help in 3 years of similar ones. I waited to say something and then they found her body later. Obviously dealt with years of guilt etc over that but I bring it up because I think what the psychs told me can be useful advice for you. They said mental illness is a disease, and just like when your friend gets pneumonia you be there for them, but you let the doctors, the professionals treat them. If they're sick and not going to the doctor you tell them "hey, you should go to the doctor." If you find them laying in the tub unresponsive from pneumonia, you call 911. That's the extent of your responsibility. You aren't a doctor, so don't feel guilty about not being able to somehow treat the disease. Anyway I'm a person on the internet, if you can afford therapy I say do that, similar to above this is stuff for the professionals and they have good advice. |
I just want to spell this out explicitly because I think it's a very important point, you do not need to have a mental illness to get help from a therapist. Feelings of guilt or shame are perfectly valid reasons to see a therapist, even if they're not caused by a mental illness.