[loceng]

I wonder if something like exercises for the concept of psychological flexibility could help. In reality we're all equally important, as we are one - so within this context, your belief isn't wrong. The important part then becomes in how you treat yourself and other people, being kind, and practicing non-violence (towards yourself and others). I wonder if any shamanic traditions like Ayahuasca ceremonies or one more potent like Iboga could be beneficial of "flushing the brain out" as a sort of ego mind reset, dissolution. I haven't looked into or nor had personal benefit or experience related to a Delusional Dis-order, however if you feel called to it, you can find organizers or shamans to see if ceremony would be safe for you; you can't be on certain medications as it wouldn't make the ceremony safe, though some shamans have different requirements or understand than others.

[monotone666]

The part of it that was damaging was that I was attempting to work as a data center security guard (to later become a data center tech). my employer responded to my inability to do my job or even get up and leave the building, by interrogating me. it constantly replays in my head for years now and the only time I really calm down is when I smoke weed or get drunk or something.

[loceng]

I don't quite understand the connection to your original post relating to the diagnosis of Delusional Dis-order, however what you're saying here sounds like post-traumatic stress? MAPS (https://maps.org/) recently did a study using MDMA to help treat PTSD with psychotherapy - perhaps a worthwhile path to explore, and worth contacting them? Perhaps there's PTSD that is acting like a linchpin causing a cascade of problems further down brain processes?

Maybe a slightly random question, though there's a purpose for me asking: do you remember having any ear infections as a child, and were they painful at all?

[monotone666]

I had ear infections as a child. I don’t really remember my childhood tho. I got sick every three months after getting Kawasaki disease at age 3.

[mercer]

I'm curious why you're asking, as I used to have a pretty bad ear infections as a child.