[fallingfrog]

Well I think my point is that it feels completely different when it's self directed. I built a shed this summer with my brothers- and it didn't feel anything like work does- it felt joyful, playful. I get some of the same feelings when I'm working on my own programming projects. But at work? No, I'm creating something for someone else, to make someone else richer, and if I left tomorrow nobody would care.

You might be able fool yourself for a while with the power of positive thinking but a happy servant is still a servant.

[mikekchar]

A happy servant is happier than a sad servant. Being happy or sad does not change your status as a servant. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face, is all I'm trying to say.

[fallingfrog]

Fair enough

[jonstaab]

Sounds like you might want to move on. I've been at kinda crappy startups for 4 years now, not being paid much and working hard. But like, Idaho hard. 55ish max hours a week. And I've stuck to it because I have so much agency. I live a very modest life, but work flexible hours from home, self-direct my work, make my own decisions. There are things I miss (e.g. working with other engineers), but the work is valuable, meaningful, and mine. I like it and from what people are saying in this thread I seem to have it made.

I understand it's not always simple to make the change (which is why I've kept my standard of living relatively low on purpose). But it can be done, there are places way out in the sticks that need good talent, and even if you're not architecting realtime distributed systems there can be interesting projects on tiny teams.

[YinglingLight]

"The more responsibility you take on, the more meaning your life has."

As a developer, you would do well to seek out the feedback from users/the impact your work has. Allow yourself to feel responsible for that impact. Taking ownership will make you feel more engaged than the dopamine hits of 'closing JIRA tickets'.