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by Spakman
2854 days ago
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I hear you! I'm in my late 30s and, although I don't have a family, I'm in a similar sounding situation myself. My first act sounds pretty similar to your own and, for one reason or another, in the last few years I've undergone a similar sounding shift. Although it's all for the good, I've found the shifting identity tough (I've always had a very clear self identity). When talking to others, any description of myself or something in my life that I've come out with has been accurate but several years out of date. Very recently (last month or two) I've started to notice a little bit of change around this. I suppose enough things have happened to this version of myself that I'm starting to build some identity around that, as well as just being more comfortable with the new situation in general. I have also been reading and thinking about a lot of Buddhist philosophy, which I think has helped give me some perspective. I hope you're able to find whatever viewpoint you need to move through this situation. I'm sure that you will - life has such a broad and deep variety of experiences and there are many different avenues for adventure and reward. |
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My identity was very tenuous for most of my life, and has only come into focus quite recently. I spent most of my life trying not to be transgender, in particular, and transitioned over the last year. A lot of the things I do and am now would have been wild fantasy even a few years ago. It is going well, and it feels nearly complete.
I do worry what I will do with my life now. Transitioning has been an all consuming thing in all kinds of senses, but the end is in sight at this point. Being the correct gender frees up a tremendous amount of emotional and mental energy - but I don't know what to do with that energy. I've overcome something tremendous but it's left me about where most other people are.
I definitely want my life to be about more than gender. I could very easily stagnate where I am.