[bxtt]

As an Asian-American, I'm struggling through the same dilemma as well. I've been given a huge opportunity to move to Asia and to initiate a program at a Fortune 100 company, but recently my parents have gotten very ill. My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer, and has had multiple surgeries. My mom has a myriad of health issues, and I feel painfully selfish by not helping them. They would never burden me, and pushing me to go pursue my career dreams.

I think this is an experience that most people will face in their lifetime. I don't necessarily know if this is an Asian experience, and the discussion of family burdens because in our culture the parents would never say a thing about their illness. But, I don't think what they realize is that it puts even more pressure on the children on accepting the right path.

[appleiigs]

I'm asian. I'm not american. I think weighing career dreams (a stereotypical american thing) versus taking care my parents (a stereotypical asian thing) is not even a close decision. When I look back at my life, I'm not going to regret spending extra time in the office.

I'm in no way saying my opinion is correct, because everyone has different values. I'm just sharing my surprise of the dilemma in your post and the original article from my point of view.

In fact, my wife and I are a 1000 km apart because she has to take care of her parents and my parents and job are here. we've lived like this for 6 years.

[bxtt]

For me, it's about chasing after an opportunity that will potentially change my career and life. I grew up with nothing, so I chase after everything. My parents were illegals and watching the struggle was very impactful. Even if I decided to go back and take care of them, I would get an earful.

[shady-lady]

> When I look back at my life, I'm not going to regret spending extra time in the office.

Did you mean you're not going to regret not spending extra time in the office? i.e. family > work or did you mean work > family

[dragonwriter]

I think GP meant “I have made the correct decisions in life by prioritizing family over work so that I will not later regret spending extra time in the office”.

There are two sources of non-regret:

Not valuing the thing you would sacrifice is one.

But not sacrificing the thing is another.

[appleiigs]

Thanks for understanding despite my unclear comment.

[appleiigs]

Yes, sorry, i couldn’t edit my comment after. I prioritize family over my career.

[nambit]

To what end?

[appleiigs]

We are working on our own businesses. She will be at a point where she can hire staff soon to provide her more flexibility to travel here more. I'm running a side project which may change my career, allowing me to move. Other plans/alternatives too... situation is temporary even though it's measured in years.

[fspeech]

How big is the opportunity? If it raises your income significantly will you be able to hire help to take care of some of the needs of your parents? Make your parents proud of your achievement can be an important factor to consider, esp. in the context of Asian culture.

In terms of medicine I think it is important to educate yourself about the particular problems your parents are facing. Medical books and journals are not that inaccessible to a well-educated person and not that time consuming to get a decent understanding of if you focus on problems at hand. Helping them understand their diseases and the medical system and set the right expectations may alleviate some of their anxieties.

[xenihn]

Is bringing them with you an option and/or something you would consider at all? I will possibly be in a similar situation as yours soon.