[projectramo]

For some of this tone and context matter.

If you tell someone they smell like a toilet but you smile before and laugh after, or sort of squint and say it playfully, it might be a joke and not mean.

This is doubly true of a family member.

[Nomentatus]

"You had to be there" and all that. Worth saying, and also my first thought while reading the book reviews... But on reflection: I've heard worse from my (electrical engineer) father (not delivered very nicely); and given all Steve's other less-than-charming traits, it seems unlikely he found a way to spare her feelings while delivering the news.

[h_r]

Although what you say might be true, this is exactly the kind of "joke" that comes easily and frequently from those who really are cruel from what I've seen.

[projectramo]

well you sound like a toilet, haha!