| Hello there yasbhagchandani Lots of people get suicidal thoughts, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of people get depressed. Lots of people find that they have lost their reason to show up for work when their startup changes into a larger company. Lots of people develop problems with sleep and drink. You're not alone in facing these problems. Other people survived all these things and became happy again, and you can too, no matter how crazy or difficult that might seem to you just now. Well done on making your startup successful. If you don't have an interest in that work any more now that it's changed, are there some other things you would like to work on? What would you do if the startup never existed? What would you do if you were completely free to pick any job in the world today? Many of the things you feel are duties or obligations probably aren't, they just feel that way. You don't need to stay with your company; you can start another. Or you can take a career break and try some other work that gives your days value and meaning. It sounds like working there isn't a source of joy to you any more. OK, you're free to leave the job any time you want. Anyone who tells you that you have to stay is wrong. Have you spoken with a doctor about the feelings you're having? They will be able to give you advice and support in the short-term (less dangerous than alcohol) until you find your path again. I know that in some cultures there is a stigma about seeing a doctor about depression. Ignore any stigma! The main thing that matters is finding your way back to happiness. A doctor will be able to help you to see the way more clearly and will give you directions to help you on the way. It's probably best not to make any immediate changes until you speak with a doctor, but you can start making plans for things you want to do in the future that you think will make your life happier. > please help me find a purpose in life. Here is one to try: live for other people. Take joy from helping others and being kind to everyone you meet. Don't set your measure of success by what you have, but by what you give. Whenever you make someone else smile, you can smile with them. Are there any jobs you could do that would help you to serve that kind of purpose? Your former startup doesn't exist any more. Your old job doesn't exist any more. You are no longer tied to them. You can thank your colleagues and start a new job or a new company tomorrow if you want to. You can be free of that particular burden any time you choose to be. |