[8xde0wcNwpslOw]

I'm not a doctor, but I'm almost certain your SO absolutely needs to discuss these things with someone to have any chance of relieving, or reversing the trend you mentioned.

From my past experiences, I must unfortunately say that you might be just about the last person they want to, or can discuss it with (as strange as that sounds), but without them confronting their habits, it is unlikely it is going to get easier. Even with crippling forms of OCD, it is easier to just "comply" than to challenge it, the latter being "guarded" by great anxiety that feels much more intimidating than even the most time-consuming and difficult routines, even if they fully realize some of the irrationality. (That, too, may be hard to understand from another person's view.)

[SpouseThrowaway]

They 100% don't want to discuss it with me.

I suffer from a terrible temper that goes from 0 to 10 before I know it. I've balanced it by taking constructive feedback and being mindful of my triggers. That was a hard road to travel and I still slip up. For the longest time, I thought I knew best and nobody understood. Least of all, my significant other.

So, I completely empathize with their difficulty discussing it with me. The problem is, they won't discuss it with anybody else either. I'm not sure if it was a slip-up, moment of clarity or a mistake. But, my spouse once said that "I don't want to live like this". Which was a window for an actually constructive conversation. I casually mentioned talking to a professional, which was met with stubbornness. But, there's be no progress since then.

We've been together for nearly 20 years, so I've seen this progress to where it is today. The next step is for this person to open up to somebody else. I just have to tip-toe on how I might suggest that notion. "In sickness and in health" right?

Ironically enough, when I was confronted with my anger issues, I was basically given an ultimatum that I needed to find help. To which I was very receptive.

This entire conversation is fraught with society's terrible attitude towards mental health, mental wellness and mindfulness.

[aeorgnoieang]

You'll probably need to give them an ultimatum. My SO isn't as extreme, at least in the same ways, but I need to constantly police the boundaries of their obsessions and, gently, push back against them to the degree I think they can handle.

[stubish]

Late onset OCD is very much a thing, more prevalent with women, and pregnancy one of the most common triggers. Do not expect it to go away by itself.

I think you are going to need to find a professional to discuss how to handle the situation and how to get your partner to accept the help you all three need. It will likely take a few tries to meet someone interested in working the problem, rather than proscribing some pills. Getting to the point of your partner accepting the label and some techniques to help cope and reduce the anxiety OCD causes could be all it takes get things improving.

[SpouseThrowaway]

I think the stigma of pills is where the biggest problem lies in addressing mental health. The last thing I want is to put somebody on pills, unless it's 10000% the right way to go.

As I understand it, the "easiest" and safest method is exposure therapy.

[stubish]

Its pretty much the only thing recommended for OCD. Maybe meditation or mindfulness gets a look in. But you want to try to get less superficial diagnosis than some random person on the internet; the OCD behavior could be a side effect of something else, eg. comorbid GAD or many other things I'd only be guessing at.