| > It should be the other way around > I really think I'm just a stupid idiot > I cannot motivate myself > If there would be at least a reason... but there isn't I very recently had to pass through a similar ordeal. Mine lasted for a very long time and eventually evolved into full-on self-sabotage. I would go through cycles where I would work very hard to establish an easy status-quo, just to suddenly become completely uninterested and let everything fall apart. It was really hard for me to figure out how to get out of the rut-cycle, and the path I took was very specific to who I am and where I came from. I can't give you step-by-step instructions, but I can outline the general idea and approach that got me started down the right path. I'm about to get really psuedo-scientifical. Buckle up. You should forget all this business about what you think you should be feeling. Here is how (I believe) human experiences work: Step 1: you experience real-world stimuli (the touch of a significant other; the sound of waves crashing)
Step 2: you have feelings
Step 3: you have thoughts
You cannot control your feelings by simply thinking "I ought to feel happy" or "Stuff makes me happy and I have stuff; therefore I am happy." If your feelings are truly a barrier to your work, then you need to examine them. Most importantly you need to acknowledge them without shame or judgement. If you're having some emotional response which does not line up with how you think you should feel, you need to let go of how you think you should feel and just accept your feeling. Don't call it "good" or "bad", just let it happen.Observe your feelings in a neutral manner. That means you shouldn't wish to dispel or possess any emotions which you may or may not have. Just pay attention to them when they pop-up. Try to understand what real-world stimuli is triggering your emotions. Very often our emotional triggers stem from childhood. If you pay attention, you'll notice that a lot of people seek to mate with men or women who resemble their parents; recreating childhood memories is a very common pattern of unconscious behavior. The key thing is to allow your mind to be a safe space. Your thoughts and feelings are completely private. No one is going to judge or hurt you for having them, so it's completely safe to just notice each and every one - especially the unwanted ones. I assure you, acknowledging your unwanted thoughts and feelings will not cause you to act on them. Based on what I've seen, I'd say the opposite is true: If you try to suppress unwanted thoughts or feelings you will unconsciously fulfill them in your real life. |