[anigbrowl]

Your productivity schedule is why you're not able to learn - it's like wanting to build muscle before digesting the food. Study the system a bit, then go and exercise for half an hour, which is billable time because you'll be thinking about what you studied while doing a couple hundred mindless reps. If you can solve the problem away from the screen and keyboard, and then come back and just input your solution, it's work. You're being paid to think, not for how often you push buttons.

From personal experience it sounds like you're in a very self-destructive pattern that it going to result in collapse from a combination of illness and stress. Not performing any self-care means you are running up a bill that someone else is going to have to settle if you fail.