[jmercouris]

I know you, I recognize your username. You wrote the tool for OSX: phoenix, hydra, mjolinr, etc. I think you are a very talented developer. I think you'll definitely be able to get a job in Chicago easily. There is no shortage of tech jobs.

If it is too much stress for you to work as a freelancer, just get a full time job. There is no shame in that!

[kovrik]

Yep, recognized the name too!

My advice would be: fake it till you make it.

Relax, try to split the whole thing into small pieces, try to understand how they interact with each other, try to understand the dataflow.

Also, in my experience you can never actually grok the whole system at once. It is a slow process.

And what always helps me: separate things that _actually_ matter for your work and everything else (the power of abstraction!). Not sure how to explain it properly. Basically, when I start working on a new project, the number of new things (new words, terms, abbreviations and other domain-specific stuff) is often overwhelming. But in most cases it doesn't matter. Most systems are pretty much the same: data flows here and there, this thing validates stuff, this thing calculates something, this thing stores results etc. They just have different names and use different words, but in reality they are the same thing.

Finally, it's just a job. Take care of yourself, your health (including mental), relax, take it easy.

UPD: also, really, take care of your health! Eat healthy food, do exercises/go to gym, daily walks (it makes a huge difference!), sleep well.

Also, some supplements help me a lot: vitamin D3 + K2, Zinc, Fish Oil, Magnesium + Calcium. For me it made a huge difference! You can also try L-Theanine (with coffee).

[stunt]

I don't like the idea of "fake it till you make it." Sorry but that is horrible. Just think a second if everybody starts doing that!

Just for a second, consider a different job, and think what will happen if everyone start doing that. If your doctor does that, a truck driver does that, if an engineer does that when building a bridge.

I'd say, you should be honest and direct. Just tell your employer/manager: I don't know that, and I need x amount of time/resource to learn it if we need.

You shouldn't fake it. They should know the real cost, the actual capacity. Either they will support you to learn it as part of your job, or they know that it works better if they think about alternative solution/design base on actual capacity/resource.

Nobody can blame you for not knowing something as long as you are willing to learn and they are willing to support you.

"fake it till you make it" also doesn't help you with your stress condition. it will make it even worst as you and your employer don't have real expectations.

Don't build that kind of culture in your job market and society.

[kovrik]

But everyone already does that. When you get a new job, you can't just merge in seamlessly like you've been working there for ages.

Of course, saying 'fake it' I don't mean 'just pretend that you know stuff, but don't actually learn and don't work hard'. You have to learn, you have to work hard to really understand the project etc.

[_sdegutis]

That'd be great. Wish I could get one.