[anonymous_fun]

Growing up hungry, with worn out second hand clothes, and dysfunctional families happens also in post-industrial societies. The hunger for knowledge and escape drove me to the library and the outdoors. I remember being young and thinking, if I can get $1500 dollars together, I will have made it. Every decade it seems to get another zero on the end of where I think I can be successful, and I continue to love to goto work. In contrast, many of the people I work with went to elite universities and had curated upbringings. I see them also be successful and start at a much higher footing in life. I put my kids in the second camp, for better or worse. Growing up hungry shapes me to this day decades later.

[mmsimanga]

You bring up so three points that I think about quite a lot. First point, I often wonder what impact the curated upbringing I am giving my daugther will have on her future outlook on life. I know I can't possibly know and she will ber her own person but I am a parent and I do wonder. Doing what you love was an alien concept to me and my peers. It was a case of doing what needed to be done. Fullstop. I ended up doing Computer Science because that is what was available. I probably would have prefered civil engineering but I had to make do with what I got (no I am not complaining). I don't know how to be the parent/person that says do what you love. I always have done what needed to be done.

On definition of success and adding another zero to your income. I don't hold an idealist view of village people. Having grown up with them I see them as normal people. You get happy village people you get vindictive villagers and your get carefree villagers. Having said that I have to conceed that village people seem to be less stressed than city people. They own less whether it is clothes, cars, bicycles ... and they worry less. I often look at how much we have in the cities compared to the villagers and intrigued by how much we have is still not enough. I guess we measure ourselves againsts our city neighbours and our "needs" grow with time. It seems the more we have the more we want and the more taxes we pay. I always make it point to visit the village once a year. Sit around, do nothing, with no urgency. It gives one more perspective on life.

The final point you touch on is how we may have started our journeys in different places and positions but we end up in similar positions (yes I know surviorship bias comes in here). Some of my colleagues come from gang ridden townships, some had a silver spoon and went to the best schools. You would never be able to tell listening to our conversations. We all discussing the Soccer World Cup, our kids coming birthday parties, corrupt politians, our bosses and the rising taxes. We all just people.

[anonymous_fun]

Thanks, I really liked the comment on chores with kids. I thought about that a lot this morning. Some people grow up doing nothing for themselves and seem to be successful in their specialization. Personally, I think the people that came from nothing are more of an anachronism than the curated upbringings (biased of course). Curated upbringings seem to have more reliable outcomes. Computers also ended up being my career and passion, but philosophy, architecture...

On money, it feels like a double edged sword. It makes life convenient, but it also disconnects us. As you point out, it only holds value in a situation, and it doesn't buy health, relationships, or time. I ride public transit to work for perspective. If I could teach my kids only one thing, it would to be empathetic towards others.

[white-flame]

> Growing up hungry, with worn out second hand clothes, and dysfunctional families happens also in post-industrial societies.

Just pointing out that the parent didn't imply a dysfunctional family in their upbringing. Familial dysfunction is orthogonal to poor, hungry, and having old clothes; and in my opinion can be a far more life-constraining factor for the future.

[mikec3010]

I was thinking this too. Dysfunction can disrupt childrens' understanding of the world. Causing mistrust, accepting / repeating violent and abusive behavior. Or causing cycles such as loneliness that compound consequences indefinitely. Not saying these can't be overcome but obviously some people don't make it.

[mmsimanga]

I most definitely agree. I just typed a response further up this trail saying the first bit of luck is having good parents or a good parent. Some of my cousins believe success can be brought about through witchcraft. In most cases, it is, unfortunately, something they learn from their parents.

[madeuptempacct]

I think part of it is that if you grow up poor you see a rise, where is a lot of people you are working with are happy where they are, although others perceive them as successful.

At risk of sounding pretentious, as you move through the economic strata of society, you realize that most people don't move - they are just where their initial socio-economic status put them.

So as a poor kid moving, you understand the ability to move up at a deeper level, and you are also capable of making moves.

I do find that the higher I move, the harder it is to compete.

Anyway, that's my rant. P.S. I am not implying I am somewhere high in life - far from it, but took a lot of little jumps to get even here, which is kind of depressing.