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by krotton 2921 days ago
Given knowledge that the CEO is a male, assuming the relationship is with a female is simply based on statistics.
2 comments

I assumed it was a man because of another gender bias: I don't know many women working at Intel so statistically its likely to be a man
unless I am missing something, people usually don't switch their sexual orientation based on gender breakdown at their workplace.
About one in ten people are gay. If the gender ratio at Intel is greater than 9 men to every woman, then it is more likely that the partner is a male.
Pray tell, how do you know the sexual orientation of Intel's CEO to confidently state that it could have "switched"?
Why assume at all?
Same reason you can reasonably refer to a male-looking acquaintance as "he" without enforcing a policy of using "they" until you have the opportunity to ask what gender they identify with.

Yes, you will get it wrong ~0.1% of the time, but the cost of slight embarrassment one one/both sides is far less than the cost of using non-standard and confusing communication the remaining 99.9% of the time.

Because it's cumbersome to write comments that don't assume anything but still convey something.

single sentences suddenly become whole paragraphs and just for the tiny off-chance of him being homosexual.

Just use "they" or "she/he" instead of "she"...

The typing isn't hard, the hard part is keeping yourself from making assumptions about who people like to date. There's much more than a "tiny off-chance" that people are queer, at least where I'm from (and probably at Intel HQ too).

I don't think so. Where do you get your numbers?

I'm not discriminating anyone when I assume the majority view on things as long as I stop doing it to an individual who tells me they are part of an minority.

Because it's a natural thing to do. It's very tiresome to watch yourself all day to make sure you're not making any assumptions. We hear "CEO has relationship with employee" and our mind immediately goes to work fabricating a mental image of that. And if there's something our mind is really good at, it's filling in the gaps, i.e. assumptions. So when we continue the conversation, we use that mental image and without even thinking use the word "she" when referring to the employee. Is this insensitive? No, it's just sticking to patterns, which is the modus operandi of our mind.
I think the parent is descriptive for many people, but that's a different issue than prescriptive. We can do much better:

> Is this insensitive? No, it's just sticking to patterns

IMHO, that's the cause of most discrimination. People aren't intentionally discriminatory, but not having experienced it themselves they suffer from the blinders of their own perspective (as humans do), are unaware of the consequences of their actions, and are doing the very human thing of downplaying the magnitude of others' problems. As Mel Brooks (IIRC) said, 'Tragedy is I stub my toe; comedy is you get eaten by a lion.'

That's why people talk about being 'woke' or becoming aware of their 'privilege'. They weren't intentionally insensitive before, but they didn't grasp what they hadn't experienced, and then one day the blinders come off.

> the modus operandi of our mind

The modus operendi of our minds can lead to all sorts of horrible things, from murder to war to theft. We can and do use reason in order to do better, including by learning the pattern of not making assumptions.

> it's a natural thing to do

It's natural to follow patterns, but the pattern isn't natural; it's just one arbitrary pattern we learn. We can learn other patterns, which is how we change and grow. Whole societies learn new patterns; democracy and universal human rights didn't exist until the 18th century (roughly speaking); for all of human history until maybe 50 years ago, women were 'naturally' though of as qualified only for raising babies and maybe some nurturing jobs. Now they fly fighter planes off aircraft carriers and are a majority of new lawyers (IT hasn't figured it out yet, apparently).

> It's very tiresome to watch yourself all day

If you think that's tiresome, imagine facing endless discrimination everywhere you go, from family, co-workers, employers, the person on the bus, the movie, the book, the Reddit thread, etc. Imagine facing the prospect of experiencing that for the rest of your life.

Anyway, we don't have to watch ourselves all day. Just learn something new, and pretty simple. I learned some new Vim techniques recently and now I don't have to watch myself all day, I just use them. I learned to say 'they' awhile ago, and it's now second nature - Vim was harder.

Because for 95% it's correct and when you are not part of those 5% and less, this topic is way below other topics and thoughts.

Doing the dishes or putting stuff away is a way bigger problem for me. I do not wanna offend anybody with this but some genderassumptions and gender topics are important but less relevant for me than the amount of discussions we have about it let us believe that it has more daily relevance.

My language is a language with genders (German).

Because writing in English requires either gender specific singular pronouns or the awkward sounding use of a gender neutral _plural_ pronoun referring to a singular person.
There is no rule in English that says a pronoun cannot be both singular and plural. Here's a simple example:

"Which of you thinks you are the smartest?"

I used "you" as both singular and plural in that sentence, and no one would blink an eye at it.

"They" is used the same way as "you", as either a singular or plural pronoun depending on the context. This was the case in English for centuries, until some prescriptivist grammarians decided they didn't like it, each for their own reasons.

BTW, do you really think that last sentence would be improved by saying "each for his or her own reasons"?

The modern resurgence of singular "they" is just returning English to what was common and correct usage before the prescriptivists hijacked the language.

https://www.google.com/search?q=singular+they+history

https://stroppyeditor.wordpress.com/2015/04/21/everything-yo...

> "Which of you thinks you are the smartest?"

I would think that this is a mistake and you'd need to say:

"Which of you thinks he or she is the smartest?"

I'm not a native speaker though.

Languages change over time, and the gender neutral "they" is becoming widely used to refer to specific people.
Shakespeare used "they" to refer to singular people.
Shakespeare's language is very awkward today.
Some of it is, but not this part.
"they" is both singular and plural.
You are correct. See my other comment in this thread for some supporting evidence.
I always think zebras, so i can keep getting surprised by horses.
Have a read of the following thought piece, I feel like it will prove to be very relevant to you.

https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:1xuY5O...