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I don't know... I got a baby a year ago... the responsibility factor here trumps a dog by a factor of 10, but my baby has probably saved my life countless times this year. My depression this year has been the worst ever - because of external factors like losing a good source of income, getting hired by an employer who then never paid, and some marital issues around faith/church (I left the church we belong to (Mormonism) because I no longer believe and am leaning Agnostic), and then celebrity(Chester Bennington)/external influences of people I know who died by suicide. Plus, I can't help feeling that death's around the corner and could happen any day. Watching 13 Reasons Why probably wasn't a great thing to do either in hindsight, though it was a pretty good series. I've gone from one month making 7k to <500 the next and spending all our savings just to get by. I'm trying to build up my freelance docket, and hopefully through word of mouth grow out of this phase (plug: Laravel + Vue is my stack). The point of the rant is... without my son, I think I probably would've done the unthinkable. There's also many times where I just felt crushed inside, and I didn't know what to do... but I'd go upstairs and just hold my son, and cry a bit, and it's hard to stay upset when you think of this kid and the life ahead for them, that they can do things better than you did and hopefully not make the same mistakes. Not to mention the cuteness/cuddles cheer you up a bit, I'm sure there's probably some endorphins being released even. My dog died this year, but in the past holding/petting her helped some with depression too. Sometimes I will go a day or two without even going outside, and I find my mood also brightens if I just take out the trash or walk around the block. |