[wugh]

Three conditions have been found to be necessary to make close friends. After learning about this, I found it to be true in my own life.

I spent a good amount of time researching how to make friends before I moved to a new city in 2010.

Would be happy to share what I've learned if anyone is interested.

"As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other, said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology and gerontology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro."

https://mobile.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-...

[badestrand]

Of course, please share your experiences.

[karimdag]

+1

[wugh]

Sure, here's a short version of my own story. In 2010, I moved to a new city knowing one person previously from college. We weren't close though.

I didn't want to be sitting in an apartment by myself all the time so I did a lot of research on how to make friends before moving.

I found the study from my previous post was a good start. I decided I needed to be in area of the city where a lot of people my age with similar backgrounds lived based on the proximity factor.

I also decided I needed roommates based on all three factors. I ended up moving into an apartment with two roommates who seemed nice when I met them.

After living together three months, my roommates and I were consistently hanging out inside the apartment and doing activities outside the apartment.

After six months, I would say we were friends.

I became friends with another person my age down the hall from our apartment. I happened to see him go into his apartment a couple of times previously. I knocked on his door and introduced myself. Fortunately, we had similar interests, hung out again and again, and became friends over time.

I repeated that with another person across the hall who one of my roommates had already become friends with. I also ended up meeting my fiancée on the elevator in my apartment after I mentioned the weather to her.

From my two roommates, the two people living in apartments nearby, my new girlfriend at the time, along with a person I met at my work orientation who lived nearby, I was introduced to probably over a hundred other people. Some of whom I became friends with. And I'm excluding other friends I made at work, through activities, and social gatherings etc.

By 2017, when I left the city, I had a close circle of maybe ten good friends, and an extended circle of thirty friends. It ended up working out well.

From the research I did and my own personal experience, I don't completely agree with the rest of the advice from the comments. I've seen similar comments on other forums before.

If there is more interest in what I've learned, I can continue. Any specific or personal questions, please email me (in profile).

[rc-1140]

Seems like your secret was age-proximal roommates. I've been trying meetups to no avail, but I've heard that roommates are a huge gamble in and of themselves. What are your opinions on both?

[wugh]

My quick thoughts. In my case, I agree, roommates were a benefit. They're not necessary though.

I could've gotten my own apartment and met people who lived in my apartment building on my own. I decided to get roommates as a way of meeting people and because the city I moved to was expensive.

I agree that roommates can be a huge gamble. I met these people and thought they were nice from a first impression. It turned out to be right. I could've easily been wrong also. It's a gamble that might be necessary for some people to take if you're young, single, don't know anyone, and moving to a new area.

Meetups sound good on the surface. You can meet new people. That I agree. My question is how easily can you see them again. People you meet there can live quite a distance from your home. This makes it hard to see them again.

If you happen to run into someone who lives within walking distance from you and you happen to get along, then I think it's great. Later you can meet up with them without much planning. But if the person lives further away, then it doesn't make it easy to become good friends.

If there was a meetup based on proximity, then I think it would be great. For example, a meetup for all the new people who moved to X neighborhood of Y city. Then you could be assured that the people you meet are nearby and you can easily see them again.

Meetups where you do activities (card games, video games, etc.) can be good because people will repeatedly come back for those activities. Again, how easy will it be for you to hang out with them outside of the meetup?

[yarinr]

Thanks for sharing your experience! Sometimes I feel like I get the most insights from people simply sharing their stories, just like you did.