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by twbarber 2941 days ago
I've got a wife but no kids, and have been working entirely remote for 9 months. The 3 biggest changes I've noticed:

- I have to remind myself to slow down when talking to people. I think this is a result of having to think/talk through issues on my own during the day. Pairing with team members has helped this a bit.

- I had to make a real effort to see my friends more often, loneliness set in heavily despite having a spouse. Picking up a social hobby, rock climbing in my case, has also helped.

- If living in an area without a strong software community, exchanging ideas and "talking shop" goes away. Learning and professional growth is now done entirely remote as well. Try and stay in an area with regular meetups or some sort of interaction with other engineers if you growing as a technical contributor is important to you.

I do get back to the office 3 times a year, but it's definitely changed my normal social patterns. I still strongly prefer full time remote to having to commute even once or twice a week, but I now use that commute time for socializing and hobbies instead. Good trade off for the added bit of loneliness in my opinion, although I'm not sure my answer would be the same if I didn't have my spouse to keep me company.

* I also moved from Chicago to a town of 15k in Upstate NY

2 comments

> - If living in an area without a strong software community, exchanging ideas and "talking shop" goes away. Learning and professional growth is now done entirely remote as well. Try and stay in an area with regular meetups or some sort of interaction with other engineers if you growing as a technical contributor is important to you.

This is my personal biggest issue. As a freelancer I think I particularly suffer from the lack of connections as well. I'm probably going to sign up for a coworking space soon in order to combat it.

Slightly OT: I noticed from your post history you were considering moving to NH. How did you end up in Upstate NY?

I'm NNY born and raised. I live in a small town of 500 just outside of a small city of 25k. I love it here, but the lack of local resources does make me wonder if I could move to a slightly larger city with a better airport so I can have my cake and eat it too.

Also born and raised in the Saratoga area, and that's where we live now. We moved back here because of family, and my also one of the local colleges has an outdoor education program my wife wanted to enroll in.

Switching from part-time to full-time remote is what allowed us to move here. We found ourselves spending most of our vacation time back this way anyway, so moving back here was a goal a year or two after we moved to Chicago.

If I ever lost this job, the backup plan is Boston while my wife stays with my family and finishes her degree. There's really not many places to work up this way, and none of them are willing to pay large city wages.

That said, we don't intend to settle down here. The risk is too high. Portland, ME is similar culturally with more opportunity. That's on our short list to head out to next.