[david-cako]

The part where he described saying goodbye and playing out that being the last time he'd see someone got me. I've found that health anxiety and irrational fears are by far the worst rabbit holes to start falling into. I've had periods of years where my mind is entirely consumed by these things. I feel like fears rooted in reality are at least tangible enough to not be horrifying.

The things that make me talented feel like mind diseases. Pattern recognition is so easily polluted with ruminations and cyclical thinking.

The only way I've been able to cope is by becoming numb. The more uncertainty I acknowledge as existing, the worse I feel. I don't feel particularly good though. Nothing in the world feels like "enough" to occupy my mind anywhere near as much as the negative things.

SSRIs can aid in that numbing. For me it has somewhat. I haven't found that they have given me any sort of increase in motivation or excitement for life, though.