[TamDenholm]

I consider myself to have a hell of a lot of self control, sometimes to a fault. There have been times in my life that I feel less self control would have helped me.

For instance, ive been in a few one way fights in my life, I've never hit anyone back. I remember the adrenalin rushing through my body and the fight or flight response gearing up, but my mind overcomes that and I usually end up talking myself out of it or someone else interjects.

But because I control the fight or flight I end up getting the shakes after the incident because I didn't fight back nor run away, since shaking is the physiological response to burn off the adrenalin.

Personally, I feel I'd have done a lot better in those situations if I'd acted on impulse and actually fought back. Hell even running away could've served me better aswell.

[logicalmind]

What you experienced is completely normal in violent situations. If you want to read a very good book on reactions and consequences of violent situations you should read this:

http://www.amazon.com/Meditations-Violence-Comparison-Martia...

Even if you've never been in a violent encounter, this book will help you understand how you will react. Keep in mind, you don't choose when you become part of a violent situation, violence chooses you.

[hvs]

Maybe, maybe not. While I can't deny the visceral satisfaction of responding physically, you also sometimes have to deal with the legal consequences of those actions. Short of defending my or a loved one's life or property, I personally find very little reason to respond to someone else's physical threats.

What I'm saying is that I think you probably did the right thing.

[dhimes]

You would probably have gotten the shakes even if you had hit back. It's quite common, as is evacuating the bladder, etc., after high-stress encounters, even for people who can anticipate having to have those encounters (police, etc.).

[rfugger]

Too much self-control/discipline can also cause you to single-mindedly pursue the wrong path for many years before realizing all the time and effort you've wasted. Outward success is pointless if it is not felt inwardly as well.

Discipline needs to be directed by intuition, which is connected to impulse. So it's not simply about the ability to suppress impulse -- creative ideas come as strong impulses. It's about the ability to harness and direct your impulses in ways that make you happy. If that's watching films all night, then maybe that's fine. I know some people who would need to exercise quite a bit of discipline to control their workaholic impulse for a night in order to sit down and enjoy a good movie...

[timwiseman]

That was not caused by too much self control. If you did make the wrong choice (and I stress the if since which is better is highly context dependent and you did not describe the situations), then it is simply that you made the wrong choice.

The self control permitted you to make that choice, in either direction, instead of having it made for you by impulse.

(As an aside, a less brave person could easily have the opposite experience. They hypothetically did not have the self control to overcome their fear and fight when they should have. They gave into the impulse to be passive/surrender.)

[brown9-2]

It is impossible (and a fallacy, I think) to judge A as lesser than B when it is impossible to definitively state the consequences of B. You have zero idea of what B would have looked like or felt like, only an estimation. You're comparing a known truth (how your non-violence makes you feel) to an estimation of the truth.

In simpler terms you have no way of knowing if listening to the impulse to fight back would have led to legal charges, serious injuries or death - for you or your opponent.

[jordan0day]

tl;dr: Internet tough guy turns out to not be so tough in real life.

I'm sorry, I know this is HN and not reddit but my lack of self-control has prevented me from keeping this one to myself.

To respond in seriousness, I'm the same way. There's several times I haven't allowed a situation to escalate to the point I had to fight, but afterwards I always find myself wishing I would have.