[yayadarsh]

Here's what I don't understand. You are trying to convince someone that they are being "callously indifferent to the suffering of others" by telling them that "their utility is correlated with the utility of a poor person". Sounds like you both seem to have comparable goals, just that you believe that your "way" of accomplishing the goal is superior (i.e. help others to help yourself, rather than just helping yourself)