| i am supposed to be taking lithium but have refused medication for a few reasons. mainly everything i have been prescribed has screwed me up further -- lithium specifically felt absolutely amazing to be on, i felt "content" and started feeling more balanced and creative etc... however i was sleeping until noon and felt a weird fog and felt like i couldn't program well (which is pretty much the only thing i do). edit: the above fogginess may have been from the seroquel actually i can't remember. I tried other medications but has other weird effects (i'm not good with drugs). secondly, the suicidal thoughts weren't fading and I was very focused on the drugs as a means to my end (they were hidden from me by my wife because of this and she would give me my dosage when it was time). i have to use a number of techniques to keep me grounded and most of the time I'm fine (i meditate, read, listen to specific types of music, exercise, etc) however there are triggers in my life which i have no control over and i lose control (ex wife making my life a nightmare via legal system, lack of funds etc). to be honest i'm sort of fucked. i'm an aging dev with mental health issues, little to no support from family, can't really do meds because it fucks up my ability to work. sucks |
I completely understand getting set off. I don't know how many thousands of hours I've lost to excessive anger and irritation. The bitch of it is that there's usually a good reason to be angry, just not _that_ angry.
With the proper meds, life isn't perfect, but I have the kind of peace of which I dreamt for decades...and without being zombified. I can actually hold down a job.
Friends, roommates, and noise generated by other people, still a big no. I live alone up in the hills and wfh. I like it that way.
As for meds, should you try any again,
Forget lithium. The best mood stabilizer I know is Lamotragine. If you are in the US, fill your prescription through canadadrugs.com. It's too expensive in the US.
As for anti-depressants, the Serotonin-based drugs never worked for me, but I take Viibryd now, which isn't Serotonin-based.
As for ensuring that you sleep (I was an insomniac for much of 20 years), Trazadone is an old, cheap, and non-addictive sleeping pill. It has nothing to do with ephedrine or melatonin, and won't mess you up at all.