| There's an amazing interview with Gabor Mate on Tim Ferriss's podcast [1] where he frames early trauma and its effect on people in later life in a really succinct way. I've listened to it 3 - 4 times, because he has a really interesting frame of mind that depression is an adaptation to trauma we've experienced at some point when emotions where too much to digest. The psychedelic bit is interesting, but I would say less say than the content before. > I don't want to pay attention because that just hurts. ~5 years of cognitive behavioral therapy really helped me and I cannot say enough about it. It provided me with all the tools to make emotions and life manageable. > I have random jolts of anxiety and adrenaline that get triggered by thoughts, many of them repetitive I think a lot of people have these. It's even been linked to lack of sleep [2]. I think with mindfulness / meditation you begin to observe the thoughts and question where did they come from, and why here and now. > I feel insecure about my technical skills, and the idea about ML is mostly about proving something to myself, dispelling the self doubt. My interviewing skills are...well, abysmal. I'm basically not employable through a standard hiring process ... I have multiple friends who feel the same way. Of the past 7 or 8 interviews I've had for front-end and backend work, there's only been 2 or 3 where a difficult "Google style of problem" was involved. They're out there and solvable, but do take some practice. Before I 'studied' for interviews years ago, I thought the solutions people came up with were these magical, on-the-spot sort of things. Mostly, it's just practice and pattern recognition. I began working my way through leetcode easy problems, and worked up to solving medium. I would solve the way I was acquainted with, and then go see if there was a solution with a better optimization. If there was -- I would re-do the problem and log everywhere to understand the better solution. What I did to get better at interviews: - Practiced my "2-3 minute spill" ... the intro where you tell the interviewer your entire career in not enough time - Took interviews for jobs I had no interest in (Be careful though! I took one of those because I ended up liking the team / place) - Worked on mastering the language / environment I work in - Did 1 - 2 leetcode problems a day, often repeating one that I just barely grasped. I hope this helps. I feel like I was in your exact shoes just a few years ago, and still don the same shoe strings and soles now. 1 - https://tim.blog/2018/02/20/gabor-mate/ 2 - https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/01/180104152947.h... 3 - https://leetcode.com/problems/two-sum/ |