[stonedartist]

> There exists emotions inside of us so terrible that you'd wish no human would have to discover.

This. I have this terrible feeling that I cannot explain; It is so nebulous that trying to decipher it has taken lots of time, effort, intense/extreme emotional roller coasters, and I still don't know how to suppress it. I feel like I have literally lost several brain cells in the span of a year, lost several IQ points, lost my ability of sharp logical reasoning, analytical/critical thinking and also memory retaining power. All that I have now is emotional instability, irritability, impulsive anger. I'm sorry that I am pouring my symptoms here, which should definitely be dealt with a shrink. But whatever.

[kuerbel]

I have the same feeling, although it is going on for more than a year. More like three. Sometimes it feels like I had a small stroke or something like that (just as a comparison, I don't want to insult anyone who had a stroke which is a thousand times worse than what I have).

Just three years ago it was so easy to learn new things, to discover... now it feels like my brain is failing me. I have to say, I feel disabled. And I hope it will get better again. Because right now it sometimes feels hard to even hold a conversation and not forgetting what other people told me ten seconds ago. And my whole train of thought feels so... scatty, if that's the right word for it. Scatterbrained. There is a psychological term for it - thought disorder, and it's a symptom of depression, but I do not feel depressed in a clinical sense. Also my grades are still ok, at a US college it would be around an A- or B+.

I miss my "old" brain though. I'll definitely try meditation.

[stonedartist]

> Because right now it sometimes feels hard to even hold a conversation and not forgetting what other people told me ten seconds ago.

Oh my God! You just described me! I forget so many things that were told to me moments ago. It's getting harder by day because I have a job now, and it's getting tougher everyday. I have to keep in mind what the clients describe, and even if I'm jotting them down, I tend to forget what was said 5 seconds ago. For example, if I was told to do something in a sequence, I would totally mess it up. I can't perform a task in a sequence. Like for instance, if they ask me to perform a task in this particular order of A->B->C, I would do F->10->#.

I seem to have lost my resolute mannerism. I rage at everything. i rage quit, rage fight. I used to solve challenges that come to me logically, now I just approach in a violent way. Like, if someone is being a bully, kill him, if someone is doing a task ineffectively, shoot him. I have episodes of deep depression and in that time I get a lot of suicidal and homicidal thoughts. Sometimes I fear myself that, given a heated situation, if someone tells me I am wrong, old-me would have approached in a logical manner and solved it diplomatically, now I just fear myself that I would kill anybody who is confronting me. I feel like if I unleash my anger onto someone, I would go to pour all my bundled up anger of over 2 years on that person and maybe kill him; My anger is pressuring up day by day.

I feel like I have so many things to do to improve myself or come out of it, but I'm too tired, lazy and impatient. Just wanted to get these things off of my chest man. Maybe this is the first time I'm opening up to someone. I should see a shrink.

[2stepsforward]

For what it's worth, you've so eloquently described what I've struggled to put into words for years, so whatever brain cells you still have up and running are probably more than enough. Hang in there.

Edit: Find a CBT shrink if you can.

[spac]

It’s ok to share. You should try to talk to somebody about all this. Hang in there, man, and let us know how things are going.

[trevyn]

If there are specific things that trigger these feelings for you, please do your best to remove those things from your life.