[shorttime]

Yeah, that's what I already do-do but your suggestion doesn't help with any of the situations mentioned in the linked post. The post describes interactions that are non-work related between people.

Work-wise, I have my "go-to" people when I need something done. I don't care what their gender is, I just know they've performed well in the past and get it done in time to help me make my deliverable date. Once a person demonstrates reliable performance of getting the right answer, I don't need to go to others. How does that help solve the problems mentioned in the post? Not really clear to me.

[DoreenMichele]

How does that help solve the problems mentioned in the post?

It sets an example. Examples are far more powerful than most people recognize.

Currently, if a man is talking to a woman, he is probably hitting on her. This becomes self reinforcing behavior. Women assume that men talking to them are hitting on them. Observers assume it is a personal relationship, not a professional one. Men avoid talking to women unless they are hitting on them because they don't want a problematic misunderstanding. This helps entrench sexism.

Meaty engagement as a professional breaks that expectation. If enough men will do it, good will crowd out bad.

Currently, women are overly vulnerable because they are professionally isolated. They get insufficient legitimate interest. This leaves them in a needy position. They can't easily afford to turn away the creeps if the only people talking to them are the creeps. They hold out hope that maybe this time it will be different.

If there are people they can reliably access who are taking them seriously, it gets vastly easier to walk away from the creeps. It also can help signal to the creeps (or the non creepy clueless) "This is how you talk to a female colleague."

[shorttime]

> Currently, women are overly vulnerable because they are professionally isolated. They get insufficient legitimate interest.

What do you mean by that?

[DoreenMichele]

I have enormous difficulty establishing professional connections. I have been on HN 8.5 years. I have zero strong professional ties. There are about 3 people who email occasionally.

Networking was one of the things I hoped to get here. There are men who network via HN. It has not worked for me.

I was homeless for 5.7 years. I remain dirt poor. My attempts to point out that my gender is a barrier to making strong professional connections is a root cause of my poverty have largely fallen on deaf ears for years and what minimal headway I have made is extremely recent.

One outcome related to that: I let some young punk talk to me for some weeks who was pretending to be my friend because he was basically the only person talking to me and I desperately need professional connections. Ultimately, he let me know he needed a shoulder to cry on because his marriage was falling apart.

I did the decent thing and was supportive for a time. Then he resumed sleeping with his wife, repeating things to her that I had told him in confidence and talking at me as if we were lovers, a thing I told him was absolutely a non starter.

The relationship made me uncomfortable from the start. There were a lot of weird issues with it that suddenly made sense after I learned he was married and hiding it from me.

I took a no harm, no foul position on it initially. The more I think about it, the more I feel I was used, deceived and set up. He had no plans to ever take me seriously. He withheld his age and marital status knowing he could not get close to me romantically if I did know those things.

All the uncomfortable red flag stuff got ignored by me because I have literally zero strong professional connections to anyone at all. I simply don't know what that looks like. Further, I am dirt poor. I am in very desperate need of connections and opportunities and cannot get that.

If I had plenty of professional connections, I would have never let this guy string me along and set me up to be his shoulder to cry on.

[shorttime]

Can't say I have many professional connections either, not a big fan of "networking" in general. However, the people I do consider connections are those from college and those from former groups at previous jobs. Maybe someone from another group, but it's rare. My career jobs have lasted a few years (4-6) so that has provided time to develop these relationships. I suppose it would be much more difficult in the gig economy to establish these relationships. I try to offer value or different perspectives at my jobs that nobody else can. Work hard, deliver, and if I can't... let them know ahead of time and what help is needed. I try to let my work network for me rather than being active about it. Do you have any projects you've worked on? Might be a good source of networking connections, keep up with former coworkers, coffee, lunch, referrals, etc.

[DoreenMichele]

To try to put it in a nutshell: However many professional connections you have, you are probably confident they are, in fact, professional connections and not just giving lip service to the idea until they can spring it on you that what they were really hoping for is romance.

Anyway, thanking you for engaging with me. It's been a good exchange.

Best.

[mpweiher]

> I have enormous difficulty establishing professional connections.

> I have been on HN 8.5 years.

I think I can solve that conundrum for you: HN is not the right place for looking for professional connections.

So maybe your problem with getting professional connections is looking for same where none are to be had.

Look elsewhere.

Nothing to do with gender.

[DoreenMichele]

For someone who claims to want nothing to do with me, you are talking to me an awful lot and those remarks are not exactly kind.

[matte_black]

I don’t know about others, but I never came to HN to make professional connections nor do I intend to. I just see HN as a more upscale subreddit.