| 1. You can afford to cut the second sentence in the first paragraph. Like so. "Take control of an F-22 fighter jet as you hurtle down a narrow, winding canyon. Using the accelerometer, dodge obstacles and avoid the ever-narrower canyon walls." As opposed to: "Take control of an F-22 fighter jet as you hurtle down a narrow, winding canyon. You have good cover down in the canton's depths, but your enemies with their missiles are in hot pursuit, hoping you fly too high and give them a clear shot. Using the accelerometer, dodge obstacles and avoid the ever-narrower canyon walls" You can trim the paragraph down without losing all that much. On the second paragraph, I'd take out the jargon and make the first sentence simpler. The second sentence is pretty good, and does a good job of closing the description. 2. The color scheme's layout is a bit unclear, because of a lack of alignment and visual guides. The #CCD color is a little soft, and doesn't have enough contrast with the black to be clear. I'd like it if it was just black and white for the color choice. I understand the call-to-action button should be prominent, but there are other ways to highlight a call-to-action than the gray button with white colored font. I'd lose the beveled type with drop shadow over an embossed rounded rectangle though. The logos could use a little work, that whole header could some work, I'm not gonna lie. 3. The video could look better if you hosted it from within your site, and used more and varied shots to make it more exciting than gameplay over song". Think of how videogame commercials are usually put together. Especially the ones produced for your target market. I haven't played the game yet, but congratulations on releasing it! Best of luck and I hope to see a sequel! |