[Consultant32452]

It's not just effort vs no effort. Here's my personal anecdote with autism.

Every conversation I have I run every input someone says through a decision tree to determine what the appropriate response is. I do this in my conscious mind. I didn't realize this wasn't normal until much later in life.

Unless you're displaying a caricature of "happy" or "sad" emotional expressions I have no idea what your emotional state is. I'm completely blind to it. I have to consciously analyze the shape of your mouth, where your eyebrows are, compare it to the context, etc. to try to determine your emotional state.

Not only am I blind to other peoples' nonverbal communication I don't express my own naturally. Every emotion I express through non-verbal means is largely "acting" on my part. I have to consciously make my expressions match my emotional state.

My anecdote may not match exactly what another person's with autism, but that's the kind of difference that's meant by doing things "automatically."

[gt_]

Yes, and I will add the more cumulative result is more one of being judged, unincluded, and isolated, not one of acknowledgement that the communication was impaired. When I have a conversation or a job interview and someone asks me how it went, I never can say. I can speak to practical and obvious fumbles or difficult questions to which I am proud of having known the answer but this seems to not be what is means when I am asked how it went. I literally have no idea how it went and saying I did would be just as well done with a roll of dice. For most of my life, I thought I knew, but I was just working from what I had. Without very explicit novelty displays of preference or emotion, I would just assume things are fine. This is a very bad road to travel.