[MIKarlsen]

I'm just stuck with this thought: I spent 6 years "accomplishing" very little. Others (programmers eg) will have 5 years advantage on me, or even more, as a lot of people will have been programming from an earlier age.

I realize I've spent too much time playing video games, hanging out with friends and so on, to realistically be able to compete with someone who has been on a track and dedicated for 5+ years.

So the thought of "You only just have to start _now_", after I've been through 20 years of education completely paralyzes me. I wouldn't want to hire me. And I can't concentrate or focus enough to actually learn programming (been trying for 4 years now), since the negative thoughts just keep returning, and I have a hard time convincing myself that I'm wrong.

It feels like I'm just waiting for things to get worse, and what scares me is, that this thought doesn't even bother me anymore, because I feel that my situation is justified.

[UweSchmidt]

Very few people have been "on track" their whole life and workplaces are full of "average" people (by definition), nothing to worry about. Self study can be daunting, I know from experience. Maybe seek some counseling for your psyche (you alread know your own thoughts about yourself are kinda off right now, right?) , join a coding bootcamp. IT needs lots of people to solve lots of problems, the vast majority doable by ordinary people. Hope that helps :-)