[kenbolton]

I am single, live alone (with a blind dog I am re-teaching to hike with me), and work as a software developer exclusively remote. I started a meetup to teach aspiring developers that has evolved into a "stitch-and-bitch" where everyone teaches, got a side-hustle teaching and guiding sea kayak trips, and volunteer as a snowboard instructor. I probably sound like a jock, but you would recognize me as a nerd. And I am HAPPY!

0. Quit your job. I know this isn't reasonable for most people, but it was the best move toward happiness I ever made. I just hit ten years without full-time employment. 1. Create a hobby for yourself and become skilled or expert in something outside of work. 2. Start a meetup. The one I started came from working out of the local coffee shop when the baristo asked if I could help him learn html/css/js. 3. Find a side-hustle. I need new challenges, and while software engineering provides loads of those, that is just "tagging up". 4. Volunteer. Give time to your communities. 5. Exercise. Your biz probably keeps your mind sharp, but keeping your body sharp will yield tremendous mental dividends. As a kid, when I complained about doing school work, my mom would tell me to do 100 pushups. 6. Read. For pleasure as well as for work. 7. Meditate.

Going back to school has its appeal, but has financial and opportunity costs. I was an unmotivated student and only performed academically when I took too few or too many classes.

You have created an illusion for yourself around time, an illusion that it is moving quickly and that you don't have any. You don't have any because you don't TAKE IT. Is there anything you always wanted to do? Go do it! Tell your team that you are taking an afternoon off every week to pursue X.

I always liked the notion not of "human being" but rather "human becoming".

[amelius]

How do you deal with financial stress? There's a study that says that financial stress has a big impact on one's health and can even lower one's IQ by 13 points.

http://www.nj.com/mercer/index.ssf/2013/09/princeton_univers...

[kenbolton]

First, I never under-bid on a contract, except once in exchange for equity that seems to be panning out. Know your value and values. Stick to them.

When I quit full-time employment at a major US university, my first contracts brought in far more than I had been earning. A former colleague there used to quip, "half a day's work for half a day's pay". Still, I had about six months of mortgage payments and other living expenses saved before I took the (abrupt) leap.

I took some part time gigs minding friends' art galleries to cover groceries and to get me out of the house. I've added side-hustles as a way to improve my communication skills and get me into other communities.

When I quit, I made the transition from project management to software engineering. I taught myself python and javascript. I learned how to do stuff with Django. I contributed to open-source projects, first improving documentation, then code. Those activities increased my sense of self-worth and reduced stress.

And I cut way back on expenses. I eliminated dining out and drinking. One of the perks of my side hustle is deep discounts on clothing and gear required for the job.

To manage the stress, I started hiking every day. (Actually, that wasn't the reason, but a side effect. The reason was to help a roommate lose 50 pounds, then the next roommate another 50 pounds. Bringing in roommates also offset some of the costs of living.) Removing four hours of daily commute let me hike an hour a day and still have three bonus hours that I could devote to other stress-relieving strategies such as reading or meditating.

Financial stress is just stress, as far as I'm concerned. I had one major financial obligation, a mortgage three years old at the time right as the financial crisis hit in 2008. If things had gotten very bad, I probably would have short-sold my house, moved in with friends or family, and/or found a lower-cost community to call home. And nothing but stubbornness and a desire to work on my terms prevented me from seeking regular employment.

If I had a partner and/or kids, the calculus would have been different. Another breadwinner would have smoothed the finances. Kids might have prevented a move entirely, though I'm not certain. My dad lost his engineering job when I was seven. He took on contracting work until one of the contractees hired him as SVP of engineering.

An ex just visited for a month with her boyfriend. He lost his job as an EMT in Alaska because of structural changes in state employment. We spent a lot of time talking about what we really need to survive. He says they can live happily in Anchorage on about 18k/year. (Health insurance there for them costs 1/10 of what it costs where I am.)

Just because you have financial security at your current gig today doesn't mean next month's check is going to clear. The boss works for you, you don't work for the boss.