My own opinion is that a lot of mental toughness can be developed simply by realizing what you can control and what you can't. This is known in stoic philosophy as the "dichotomy of control", and is put this way in the Enchiridion:
“Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.”
By far my favorite example of any individual human's mental (and often physical) toughness. There's a thousand examples where he displayed herculean mental strength in the face over overwhelming situations.
Some that come to mind:
1. He took groups of cavalry out on attacks during a heavy winter, letting each group of soldiers take a turn resting, while he went out on every mission.
2. He grabbed a shield an went to the front of the lines when the Nervii were about to slaughter his entire force. Turning the tide in a situation almost no one else could have survived.
3. Instead of giving up the siege of Alesia when a massive relieving army was inbound, he went double or nothing by enclosing himself in a double wall investment.
4. He attacked a beach full of unknown numbers of enemy soldiers with chariots, in D-day style amphibious assault.
He did a hundred major things like this in his life, and a thousand minor ones we know about.
I never thought of mental toughness as something that can be learned from a book. Has anyone had a transformative change from reading a book on the subject?
I learned mental toughness from physically grueling experiences (wrestling, digging holes, mixing cement). Experiences where I put myself in a mindset where I didn't have a choice but to persevere. After doing that for years, dealing with most mental/emotional struggles are manageable.
It's funny you mention digging holes and mixing cement! I spent a year as a labourer working on the M25 motorway. It did wonders for my mental (not to mention physical) toughness. Four years working in seismic and then on oil rigs in absolutely horrible conditions seemed to help too! {grin}
My personal favourite is called /Winning Through Intimidation/ , I think it is much more relevant to our capitalistic and legalistic society than military memoirs or the ancients, as much as I enjoy them. https://www.amazon.com/Winning-through-Intimidation-Victor-B... . It is not prescriptive because it is a bit dated and specific to real estate, but the core ideas are rock solid.
I think mental toughness comes with knowing yourself and how to deal with the world around us. Meditations of Marcus Aurelius is a great starting point. It's a favorite of General Jim Mattis the US Secretary of Defense. The biggest badass we would all be lucky to know.
I'm just beginning to realise that a bit part of mental "toughness" and resilience is actually self-compassion.
Striving directly for toughness can lead to you feeling bad or angry at yourself for having certain feelings, when actually feelings need to be felt, not repressed.
It's shifting your inner monologue from:
"You shouldn't feel so sad about that girl dumping you. You were only together for a few weeks. Stop moping around."
to
"You're feeling really sad right now, and that's totally expected and ok. It's probably going to last a while longer, and that sucks, but you're going to be fine."
This might be obvious / intuitive for most people, but as someone who always used to default to the first version when "talking" to myself, it's been a big shift.
To actually answer the question, the book that introduced this idea to me was "The Art of Extraordinary Confidence" by Dr. Aziz Gazipura.
I read The Obstacle is the Way last year and I liked it. Also, Man's Search Meaning is a very interesting book about the personal experiences of Viktor Frankl surviving 4 concentration camp during World War. His outlook on enduring suffering and overcoming it is very deep and enlightening.
Thank you all for your inputs and really interesting opinions and point of views. Appreciate it people :) I know mental toughness can't be learnt sitting at home reading a book, a combination of reading and maybe some physical, gruelling activities goes a long way in improving mental toughness. Putting yourself through that physical pain is a must.
Yes, I am a great believer that setting and achieving tough physical challenges can do wonders for your mental toughness. A marathon for example is well within the physical capabilities of most people, but many have not got the mental toughness to see the training through - getting up at 5.00am and heading out in the rain and dark of November is pure mental toughness. When tackling a modest mountain like Snowden or Scafell Pike in foul weather conditions it is primarily mental toughness that keeps you going when hail is lashing your face and all you want to do is go home and throw some logs on the wood-burner. You can build that mental toughness though just as you can your leg muscles.
I agree with the physical and mental connection. I use a kettlebell daily because of the combination of cardio and resistance training. Pavel's Enter the Kettlebell is a great source of inspiration for toughness.
It’s not directly focused on mental toughness but I think it indirectly explores the themes of mental toughness: Marcus Aurelius’ “Meditations”.
Really any text that explores Stoicism by it’s very nature also explores the different aspects of your mind that people traditionally refer to as “mental toughness”
http://classics.mit.edu/Epictetus/epicench.html
My own opinion is that a lot of mental toughness can be developed simply by realizing what you can control and what you can't. This is known in stoic philosophy as the "dichotomy of control", and is put this way in the Enchiridion:
“Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.”