[jcoffland]

This philosophy has become popular but is misguided. What people are really concerned about is blame.

The false logic goes like this: if I could improve my situation then I have been doing something wrong and therefore I am a bad person. But, calling me a bad person because I have a problem is counterproductive and insensitive so there must not be anything I can do. Or: possibility of improvement leads to blame/guilt. Blame/guilt are bad therefore improvement must be impossible.

This circular logic is flawed because it assumes that we start out life with all the information we need to live well. Life is a learning process and we can improve ourselves with out blaming our past or present selves for not knowing better.

[hateduser2]

You can’t even say it’s an information problem. I constantly do the wrong thing even though I know many people or a particular person thinks it’s a bad idea. Because I don’t have their conviction in its wrongness.

[RobertRoberts]

I agree that change is really hard. I mentioned in another comment that making a choice that you know will end you up where you want to go can be very difficult physically. Just consider any addiction issues. So if you look at any life issue the same way an addict (who is determined to quit) looks at their problem, you may find the motivation to face it.

One way I started facing some of my problems was just to ask other people how they fixed theirs. Sometimes I liked to just hear stories of people fixing problems I have never had. (like quitting smoking) I heard stories ranging from "My boss said he'd pay for my seminar fees if I joined him at this anti-smoking retreat. And my husband copied everything I brought home from that, and we both quit smoking together." The husband said the thing that helped him was to go through the routine (or rite) of smoking, but without the cigarettes. He'd go outside, stand there for a bit, pretend to open a pack, pretend to smoke one, taking deep breaths. And then go back inside.

Who would think to do that on their own? Another guy I worked with said "I quit because my wife asked me to." There was a deeper story there, but he was a man of few words. None the less, he noted why another guy couldn't quit smoking in our work place. "Jim, he will never quit. Notice how when he tries to quit, all he says to himself is 'Man I really want a cigarette', he won't quit."

There are all kinds of subtle clues to human nature, and your/mine thought processes hidden in discussions like this. Watching some people fail and some people succeed. I found that with all the things I faced, that if I keep looking, and don't quit, I always find an answer to my problem that I can actually do. The conviction comes from my belief that it's possible and this gives me encouragement to act.