Good work, Daniel. A laboriously-gathered overview of current practice, and discussion of how to determine whether uses of illegally-obtained data are justified.
That's a different field entirely. Just because some American hospitals have trouble organising medical ethics reviews, does not mean that European or even American CompSci researchers will run into the same problems. Indeed, Daniel is (I think) positive perhaps based on good interactions with the ethics committee here (my wife is certainly happy with the ethics reviews she's had).
Even in that SSC discussion linked, many SSC commenters agree that their own ethics system was far easier, even in medicine.
You seem to be extrapolating from an extremely small sample, and one that mostly makes fun of things that would exist (eventually) in any such process. It's not really a useful rebuttal, and you probably should not draw strong conclusions from it.
http://slatestarcodex.com/2017/08/29/my-irb-nightmare/
HN discussion of the above
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=15127271