[zzalpha]

(edited for tone)

In many perfectly healthy, normal marriages, there's a disparity (sometimes significant) in sexual interest/appetite between the spouses that has absolutely nothing to do with their love for each other and everything to do with basic biological, sociological, and psychological differences.

In such a marriage, sexual intimacy actually requires focused effort to maintain. Not "work". That makes it sound transactional in nature. But effort. Like, you have to prioritize it.

To suggest that marriages in which this is necessary are somehow broken is simply unfair. Every marriage is unique and beyond basic expectations of love and decency, it's unreasonable to use ones own experiences as the template by which to judge other people's relationships.

[Mz]

I was molested and raped as a child. I got married at age 19 to another 19 year old with issues as serious as mine, though different. I did a lot of therapy. We did couples counseling. I also had a higher sex drive than him and was unfaithful, which he knew and did not throw in my face.

Sorry if my remarks bother you, but your assumptions are completely out of line. My marriage was neither easy nor a case of good fortune.

So how about if you try to abide by HN guidelines and leave out the condescension, etc.

[zzalpha]

Condescension?

This article is all kinds of horrifying. ... "We are just going through the motions cuz we gotta. Kind of like plunging the toilet."?

Maybe you should go read a book like "Lovers in marriage" before you go trying to write anymore marriage advice.

Or, you know, you can make time for each other because this is the most important person in your life. Instead of making excuses.

I could go on.

I did not set the tone, here, and I stand by my comment.

[dang]

"You might find this astonishing, but: other marriages are not like yours" does seem pretty condescending. If you're going to comment here, please be more civil than that.

[zzalpha]

Fair point, I've edited the comment to clean it up.