[twayamznacct]

I despise the industry that I work in (the tech industry, if you couldn't guess :) ) and doing nothing but consuming after I put in my time at work is the only thing keeping me from a massive depressionary spiral and self-harm.

I've tried, before, to do things, and my mental state has quickly deteriorated to a worrisome point.

Do I wish I could do things? Absolutely. But my hatred of what I do, and the fact that it's the only real thing I'm good at in a productive sense, means that I've never found another outlet that I can work on and not spend the entirety of the time dwelling on how much I hate it.

So all I do is play games and watch internet videos on my off time. Deep down it crushes me that this is my life, but thus far I've managed to keep that mostly bottled up.

[togedoge]

What you're feeling is normal. I just read some of your previous comments, and I think you'd find some help in talking about this with a counsellor of some kind. Many people get bouts of feeling hopeless and unsatisfied. This is the perfect thing to mention to a doctor or reach out to a professional. It is so incredibly common. You don't need to bottle these feelings up. You know there is a problem, please reach out to someone!