Insider's tip: there's this little-known spot where all the locals hang out called Pier 39. I would spend all my time there if I were you. It's spectacular.
I can't tell if you're being facetious or not. Our last trip to SF I swore I'd never go anywhere near Pier 39 again. Having said that, if you've never been to SF, you might head over there for lunch at Pier Market Seafood and look around a bit. But it's pretty much like any kitschy carnival like atmosphere you've ever been to. Near there you can get tickets to go across and see Alcatraz. Down the street and up one is Ghiradelli Square, go have a pint and something to snack on at The Pub. If you've brought your appetite, I recommend the jambalaya. There's a guy that plays guitar on the sidewalk at the corner of Beach and Larkin, be sure to throw this guy a buck. Speaking of, there are alot of street performers at night down in that entire area if you're into that sort of thing.