That is a very pessimistic view on the current state of LN. There are three independent open-source LN implementations [1, 2, 3] out there that are being worked on and already implement basic functionality. All three contribute to an document, called Basics Of The Lightning Network (BOLT) [4], which forms an open standard for LN.
I wouldn't call it vaporware. Yes, there are unsurprisingly open questions. But nothing which can't be solved.
In the broad terms, how do you even imagine LN to work? Let's say I want to buy a $3 coffee at some random Starbucks I'm walking by. Do we have to first open and fund the channel? How much will it all cost just for that one off purchase?
Give particular figures please, no vague nonsense I hear all the time.
As for these implementations, I will believe it when I see it. You didn't even try to address the particular issue I mentioned.
You could be transacting your coffee with any crypto that Starbucks supports, and which is compatible with the lightning network. Litecoin will work for this example.
So Starbucks ask you to pay via Litecoin, which is fine by you even though you don't have a Litecoin balance. Atomic swaps over lightning network funded by some bitcoin you own, converted to Litecoin, is how you'll pay for your coffee.
Give particular figures please, no vague nonsense I hear all the time.
As for these implementations, I will believe it when I see it. You didn't even try to address the particular issue I mentioned.