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I've been on both sides of this situation. My ex unexpectedly landed his dream job at one of the big tech companies. We had been together for around a year, and were looking at buying a house together. Using the "L" word, met the parents, were chatting about getting married and how we might have kids (being gay means that requires more planning). He doesn't have a college education, but was really good at what he does, so it was kind of a no brainer that he'd take that job. I had no interest in moving to the Bay Area. I loved where I was living, and that's where my family and close friends are. We ended up breaking up as a results and aren't on good terms (he left without saying goodbye and I, uh, handled it less than professionally). [as an aside: while I don't necessarily think there were problems in our relationship, I do acknowledge that it's possible that he wanted an easy out of the relationship which this job provided for him] Flash forward a few years, and I'm dating another guy. We've been together for about 6 months when I win a couple of coding challenges and get some offers for jobs in the Bay Area. Until that point, I had been on this 12-18 month cadence of looking for new jobs. Existing jobs weren't really giving raises, and the work wasn't super interesting... I was basically a glorified report writer for large companies. So, I decided to make the jump, and ended up first in a health tech incubator, and later at a well known health tech company. My bf has no interest in moving to the Bay Area, but he comes out and visits every few months, and I go back home about once a month to see him and hang out with friends and family. There's no winning on either side. For me, it was clear that the kind of work that I want to do is in the Bay Area. There's definitely a more "let's build it" or "let's solve these problems" attitude, instead of "we just need a paper pusher" kind of attitude. I like being able to wear hoodies to work and not being looked down upon. I like being able to go to meetups and see the folks who build software that I use. I think it's pretty cool to grab lunch with colleagues at google or apple. Beyond work, I've grown to love hiking. I like that there aren't mosquitoes really here. The climate is right for me. There's a pretty long list of things that I like. I think I was an idiot to not follow my ex out to California. I was so sure about the direction of my life at the time that I couldn't really see any other alternative. And it was really stupid that I just came out here a few years later anyway. I think my bf is an idiot for not following me out here now. But, honestly, we've made long distance work for the most part. My unsolicited advice is that relationships are incredibly important, but so is living your life. Work is such a large part of your day, and you probably want to feel challenged and interested in what you're doing. Personally, I can't picture myself working at any job back home at this point. That'll probably change, but until then, unless my bf plans on fully supporting me financially, this is where I need to be. So, if that's similar to how you feel about work, then you should take the offer. Hopefully your gf won't be an idiot like I was. |
Actually - it's the opposite. It's super solicited :) .....(and it appears super relevant as well)