[alexibm]

I am sorry this is happening to you as well. My last 10 months also have felt like an eternity. It also took me many years of finding someone I felt comfortable being with and having a family. In our age bracket loosing someone is extremely hard, especially when you have family plans on the table. It came to me as a surprise that she had this dark side. Just one day, out of blue, entirely different person starts sending me text messages filled with hatred, rage and every line is soul-crushing. She felt no remorse and was pro-actively doing it, even when I have asked to stop, because my heart was in pain [have minor heart problem]. When she told me that she is taking out IUD and planning to have kids with "him" and listed names for kids they already picked, I went into shock-mode for a week. She basically used her new engagement/relationship as a tool to destroy me for her own pleasure. Karma is a bitch and her engagement collapsed in less than 6 months.

I really can't do/study anything as of this moment. I tried doing CMU Advance Database Course, printed out a lot of research articles and it feels like I am staring at the screen/paper.

Dating is hard as well. I registered on match.com the other week, but all the women look very unattractive, even a very-very attractive ones. (I was genuinely surprised by the number of single 30-40 YO women, many of them are divorced and have kids.)

[pault]

Geez, that sounds seriously traumatic. You might benefit from a couple of months of therapy if you haven't already tried it. Sometimes you just need someone to listen. Maybe you would have more luck doing something creative instead of mentally taxing software development. I started drawing again and it has been really relaxing. It's nice to just zone out and listen to music while I sketch. I hope you can find something that helps.

[alexibm]

I have gone to therapy, talked to friends and family members. Still, have this lingering pain, that doesn't go away.

[newsmania]

Run as far as you can from the atttractive ones. Good looks are a crutch. They let people slide by without ever developing character.

Get an ok or ugly one. They aren’t in as high demand so less likely they will leave you. More importantly the benefit of a hot wife is far less than that detriment of her destroying you.

[mercer]

I grew up with this belief, but to be honest reality, if anything, seems the opposite. On average, the very attractive people were also nice and... stable, often frustratingly so. And most of the nastiest, unstable people I've met were often on the unattractive end of the spectrum. I've also recall reading research that came to a similar conclusion.

And when you think about it, it actually makes sense. Sure, attractive people have it easier in a lot of ways, and the 'bubble' is a real thing. So perhaps, maybe, there's some correlation between attraction and competence or work ethic or whatnot.

But I'd argue that being bullied, ignored, ostracized, and so on, is a much more likely source of being 'terrible', or unstable, or unpleasant than being coddled a bit more than others.

That said I would argue that the 'safest' person to date, if you're going to account for looks, is the average-looking person who feels comfortable with being average-looking. Ideally about as average as oneself.