[anigbrowl]

Very relatable, and I'm sorry you were subjected to such abuse. Becoming heavily invested in a relationship only to have it turn toxic is really nightmarish. It's natural to numb the pain with alcohol or any of the many alternatives, but damaging yourself over the long term is actually a way for the toxic person to keep hurting you at zero cost to themselves.

Get a dog of your own - not to spite your ex though. You'll have to invest a lot of effort in a dog but you'll be rewarded with loyalty and improved sensitivity and intuition. Not a dog person? Neither was I until stumbled across a starving mangy animal that turned out to be the best friend I've ever had. Shelters are full of dogs that have been betrayed and abandoned. Working breeds (on the larger side) are more even-tempered, intelligent, and loyal which is exactly what's missing in your life right now. I'd suggest an adult rather than a puppy if you haven't had one before, as you'll make a lot of mistakes in the first year.