[rcfox]

> Have to admit, alcohol helps me a lot.

Helps productivity, or helps not feeling bad?

[castis]

I'm not going to claim to speak for OP but having been in a similar situation, alcohol helps muffle the emotions.

The amount of alcohol required increases with time, so productivity continues downward at an ever growing pace.

[alexibm]

OP here. It helps to kill emotions, they become distant background noise while alcohol is effective. After a while, you have to keep-up with intake, in order to be in this state all the time.