[CalRobert]

"Short enough?"

Not even close. WTF do you do???

Slack: makes team chat and IM easy

Tesla: Makes electric cars that don't suck

Dropbox: Makes it easy to share and sync files with colleagues

You: I have no damn idea.

It's crucial to remember that any VC (really, any person) you're talking to is listening to BS 90% of the time. You MUST convince them QUICKLY that you're not bullshitting them. Your intro, which I worry you think is engaging, sounds like scammy BS ("I can solve this problem and make a trillion dollars but I won't tell you what the problem is unless you read my rambling wall of text below!!").

Related: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Show,_don%27t_tell