[AceyMan]

Having read the current child psych lit extensively, I can provide a boot-camp education on raising young'uns in one sentence:

"Your children don't want to be praised; they want to be noticed."

'Dad/mom look at me / watch me do this / see what I did in class', etc, etc. all signify this — praise isn't what their psyche thirsts for, merely plain old attention. Done earnestly, giving attention takes time, and so has a 'cost' in adult's life that may be greater than you'd assume — see, the subtext of the tune "Cat's Cradle" — but the payoff is immeasurable.

/George's Dad

[buxtehude]

Thank you for sharing this - I just read the "Cat's Cradle" lyrics - a song I had heard all my life but never really stopped to think about. As a father of a 3 year old, I'm very happy to say I spend regular daily quality time with my son and frankly it's the best thing ever in my entire life.

If you have any favorite links from early child psych lit - please share.

[AceyMan]

Off the top of my head, "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn is a seminal text in the field. "Parenting From the Inside Out" by Daniel Siegel & Mary Hartzell is wonderful as well.

[NoIKnow]

Unconditional parenting hurts self-esteem, encourages immaturity and ill prepares children for life in the adult world. Alfie Kohn should retitle that book "How to Raise a Self-Centered A-Hole". Most things in life have strings attached - yep, love is no different. Try treating someone who loves you with a lack of regard, an emotionally healthy person will draw a line. Set boundaries, show disapproval or risk raising a child with an inability to emotionally regulate when things don't go their way as they so often do in life.

Unconditional love should only apply to achievement so the child will not fear that you will not love them if they fail to meet academic expectations. Instill essential qualities, such as hard work, discipline, patience, persistence, and perseverance then you give a child the tools to achieve their goals.