[justabystander]

I've got something that listens to other devices (ACPI buttons, etc), but nothing that touches the touchpad. It's also a driver that's specific to the model (the main driver won't handle 3 button devices), so it's not like it shouldn't have undergone testing on the laptop.

I'd still suspect synaptics, as it's probably not checking its input properly. As no other device has problems with this.