[kerkeslager]

One particularly horrifying example of this is dating. In Brooklyn where I live, dating has moved online so thoroughly that many women I've talked to simply refuse to consider men they meet in person as potential partners. It's definitely still possible to date the old fashioned way, but it's obviously more difficult. I don't date online, but I've been blessed with fairly good looks, a successful career, and decent social skills. I can definitely empathize with guys who feel they have to choose between giving up their privacy and giving up finding relationships. And that's a completely unreasonable choice.

The way we form relationships is one of the most personal parts of our lives.

[pavel_lishin]

> many women I've talked to simply refuse to consider men they meet in person as potential partners.

There's no way for me to phrase this question without it sounding very insulting, so I apologize in advance, but - is this something women have told you, or are you inferring this from being turned down by women you meet in real life?

[kerkeslager]

It's something women have told me. Women have good reasons; it's much safer to vet people online before you risk interaction in places that you go in your day-to-day. What I said should not be construed as a criticism of women's choices to date online. If anything, I think online dating is the way of the future; I just hope it moves toward decentralized models that give people more control of who they share their information with.

[pavel_lishin]

If I were in your place, I would ask them what prevents them from vetting someone online after meeting them offline. Is a Tinder profile any more likely to contain truth than my words?

[kerkeslager]

I'm not going to do that. If they're not interested in me I don't see any reason to persuade them. I would rather date people who are enthusiastic about dating me.

There's also an implicit assumption you're making that the women I've talked to about this are women I'm trying to date. That's not usually the case.

[pavel_lishin]

> There's also an implicit assumption you're making that the women I've talked to about this are women I'm trying to date. That's not usually the case.

Yeah, that was part of my potential insult.

I'm married with a kid, and most of my friends are paired up, so this topic rarely comes up for me. Thanks for letting me pick your brain.

[drraid0]

That's very hard to believe. Is this 100% anecdotal or are there studies?

[kerkeslager]

What part don't you believe?

[handsomechad]

How old are you / the women in the demographic you are talking about, if you do not mind me asking?

[kerkeslager]

If I'm not willing to give my personal information to Tinder, why would I post it on HN?

[Nelkins]

Your personal website with an "About" page is in your HN profile...

[kerkeslager]

My website contains a very limited picture of my life.

[heartbreak]

I'm guessing 30, male, NYC.

[anigbrowl]

Oh please, nobody is going to hunt you down based on what approximate stage of life you are at.

[notyourday]

If you are planning on sleeping with them I find it quite curious that you do not want them to know who you are.

[kerkeslager]

I have no problem with dates knowing who I am. I do have a problem with Tinder knowing who I am in the same detail as someone I might date, however.

[nkohari]

There's a difference between getting to know a prospective partner and loading your personal information into a computer system so it can automatically match you with potential partners (and also do who-knows-what-else).