[NumberCruncher]

[sexism on]

>> she's a physical person and pats or hits me on the arm frequently in jest (I don't reciprocate), and has made a few sexual jokes privately

Is she physical and makes sexual jokes to her other co-workers too or only to you? In the latter case

>> [she] said my remark was "demeaning to say to a woman"

reads like "I want you to recognise me as a woman you dumbass". It's a "women say something and mean the opposit" thing.

[sexism off]

Anyhow, listen to the advice of Jemaclus and don't fuck the company!