[ThrustVectoring]

At a fundamental level, the important question is "what do I need to be okay with my life?" If you don't know what you need, it's extraordinarily difficult to figure out how to get it.

For me, it's enough money to not have to worry about finances, a tolerable working environment, a few meaningful relationships, and a couple avenues for giving back to my community in a concrete manner. I don't have nearly the competitive focus that you do, and it definitely sounds like you need an outlet for it. Speed-running super mario 64 could be a good option if you want the status points. Or if you're secure enough financially to fail at it full-time, getting into sales would be fantastic for you.